Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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