U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
