Do you still have your period?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
