There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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