My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
