Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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