I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
