I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
