Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sex in a hospital.. check
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
