Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
