How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
