I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
