Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
