shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
