I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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