what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
