haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
