he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As shirtless as possible
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
