"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
