guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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