1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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