I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
