she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
