apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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