apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
