is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
