So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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