sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
