the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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