You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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