I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
