I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
