My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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