College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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