I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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