Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
