My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
