real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do herpes really smell.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
