I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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