We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
