I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
