Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
