I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
