She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
