i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"it" just moved
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're a waste of cheezeits
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