I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
