hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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