She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
