so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
