Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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