at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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