i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
