First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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