Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
