lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
