Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was CRYING into my vagina
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
